A Window in Your Heart

Losing love is like a window in your heart. Everybody sees you’re blown apart. Everybody sees the wind blow –Paul Simon–Graceland

I don’t have a very good excuse for not updating my blog. I guess I haven’t felt like it, I’ve been focused elsewhere.

I don’t usually get personal here either. I try to stay upbeat and post about geek-centric stuff. But I’m feeling personal today.

About a week and a half ago, I broke up with my girlfriend. Why? I couldn’t tell you. I know the reasons, but they’re far too complex to spill out over a blog, and I don’t want to reveal anything that might infringe on her privacy. The only thing I can really say is that we have many differences, and in the end, they were irreconcilable.

I’m 38 and single. Though Val and I were never married, I consider myself a widower. I’m a writer and tutor, which is like saying “if you date me, you’ll be paying for dinner.” I have some serious medical issues. I’m not exactly a catch.

At my age, it’s very hard to break off a relationship. There’s a very real, terrifying feeling that I will end up alone. The dating pool’s pretty shallow at my age.

But I don’t want to sulk. I don’t know what I want to do, actually. For now, I’m going to focus on writing and editing. While The Watchmage of Old New York is at the editor’s, I’m writing a series of short stories for a new (secret) project. Actually two, maybe three projects (I have no idea what’s going on)

ba8b3-dog-meme-no-idea

I’m not happy with the way the stories are coming out, and I wonder if it’s even worth the effort. Maybe I’m just in a slump.

Maybe the breakup is messing me up inside, and I can’t find my groove. I don’t know. I think I’m just having one of those stretches where I doubt my abilities. I’m hard on myself, and for a reason, but I also have to realize that not everything I write is going to be better than everything before. I wish it was true, but I can’t level up on every quest.

I’m hoping I get my groove back soon. It’s a magical place…like TAHITI.

What? You thought Doge wasn’t gonna show up in this post?

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