Speaking as a Jew, one that spent his childhood growing up around Holocaust survivors, one that has seen many a serial number tattooed on a forearm, one that currently lives in a county with one of the highest jewish population per capita in the world: NEVER TRUST A LAW THAT DEFINES US AS AN “OTHER”
Hooray! I finally finished all of the online mandatory trainings for my job. I hate binging something like that, but it needed to be done by friday. Still to do: gift shopping, finding out if I am exchanging gifts with my friends that have moved or cut me off. Finding how to get my gifts for my brother to him in Buffalo. Figuring out what to get him.
I love gifting, but it is nerve-wracking.
I also need to get my stuff together with my next book and especially the reprinting of Song of Simon.
Also, shovel snow…heck.
I’ve been thinking about “I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus.” What exactly would Daddy have done if he saw that? It’s an old song, so would he have gone all toxic and tried to punch Santa? Santa would have kicked his ass. The North Pole is a harsh place, and it breeds harsh folk. Santa probably fights polar bears for exercise (gotta work off those cookies)
Or would Daddy have laughed the whole thing off? Maybe Santa is on the exceptions list, like Keanu Reeves.
Or would Daddy have joined in? I mean, it’s Santa! Who can resist? He has the charisma of Frank N Furter, plus toys! Merry Christmas indeed.
I obviously have too much time to think about stuff.
I’ve been very disappointed in myself this year. I have not been able to transition to the increased work hours while keeping up with my writing. I know that it’s a lot for me to handle and not something that i am used to, but I have to get used to it. I love to write, and I can’t not work. Something has to give, or I have to change myself to be able to do everything.
And it’s not just writing that has suffered. I’ve had less discipline and progress across the board. No more daily exercise routine. No more keeping track of my diet. I’ve put on a good 15 pounds this year. Granted, I’ve had a lot of injuries, but still. And I think it’s because my mind is so frazzled from all of the stuff that I have to do.
So I am trying a productivity app on my phone. Am I am going to sometimes journal from my phone. Anything to get all of these thoughts out. I think that we all know that every person needs an outlet. Writing has always been my main outlet. When I don’t write, I get very stressed. I have other outlets too: playing guitar, fencing, various SCA stuff, but writing has always been the key. I think that if I want everything else to fall in place, I have to get back to what keeps me in the right headspace, and that is writing.
I can feel myself starting to relax already.
Yesterday one of my bosses called me her most efficient worker (in regards to getting reports in on time). At first I beamed. I love praise, and my job is about helping others, so it feels good to know that I’m making a difference in lives.
But today I just feel like the smoothest cog. Yes, it’s a great cause I believe in, but it’s still a business and I’m on the low end.
On the bright side, I got to share Chicken Attack with someone. And also you 😉
So I’m going to try something new. I haven’t been blogging. I don’t understand why. I have theories, lack of computer use seems to be the top one. But I need to write. I miss it like a dog in my lap or a lover’s snarky comeback.
I’m going to write everyday on my phone. I’ll keep it going all day and then post at night. We’ll see where this shitstorm of random thought takes us.
Who knows, maybe it’ll get me back on the computer.
Work is a big issue. I don’t know how to set boundaries because I care about my individuals (I job coach for people that need special support). I answer their texts constantly and help them with stuff that is outside of my range. And I don’t get paid for the extra stuff. But how can I say no? They don’t understand boundaries, but they understand rejection.
I’m exhausted. Maybe it’s work. Maybe it’s age. Maybe I’m born with it (it’s not Maybelline)
So that’s it for today. Hopefully I’ll be back tomorrow. I love you.
Not here 😦
I’ve been working too many hours. I tore cartilage in my wrist, so typing has been difficult. And I’ve just been exhausted. So exhausted.