Does anyone remember that old Grey Poupon commercial where the two limos pull up to each other? The guy in one asks the guy in the other “pardon me, but do you have any Grey Poupon?” The second guy says “but of course,” and passes a jar of super fancy rich guy mustard to the first guy.
I was wondering as I tossed and turned in bed last night: Did the second guy ever get his Grey Poupon back? The red light couldn’t have lasted long enough for them to sit in traffic while the first guy spreads his precious mustard on whatever sandwich he was eating (probably caviar flavored with the tears of his employees that work full time and still need Food Stamps). Then again, I imagine that the guys in the two limos wouldn’t care if they were holding up traffic for others. Caring about others rarely makes you rich.
I think the Poupon is gone. That man drove off with another man’s mustard. Condiment robbery!! A jarring theft!! That kind of behavior does NOT cut the mustard!
Neither does this post. It earned the Turtle of Judgement.
boots and pants and boots and pants and boots and pants and boots and pants and boots and pants and boots and pants and boots and pants and boots and pants and boots and pants and boots and pants and boots and pants and…
I can’t get this out of my head. It’s the baseline from hell and it’s eating away at my brain like a very hungry caterpillar.
So here’s 30 minutes of it… suffer!!!
Civilization is the underwear that protects us from humanity’s collective asshole. Without it, we get covered in our own shit.
What? Not everything I say has to be profound. Hell, most of my online communication is through doggo memes.
“A smooth sea scarcely sculpts a skillful sailor”
–Me (after a couple of beers)
One day a forgetful farmer forgot to bring his bucket of milk back in before bed. Overnight, two frogs landed in the bucket and couldn’t get out.
The first frog said “We’re doomed! Oh, death by dairy, a disgusting demise.”
The second frog said. “You presume our passing. If we persist, we will pull ourselves out.”
First Frog: Don’t placate me. I can’t persist in persisting. Such persistence is puddingheaded.”
I used to drive for a limo service. It wasn’t a bad job: I picked the client up, drove him to the airport, waited patiently for the tip that never came, and drove back to the office wondering why I always expected a tip. Driving in New York and New Jersey? Sure, it sucks, but most jobs do. But I met a lot of interesting and even famous people…if by meant you mean them staring at my head for an hour or so, depending on traffic. Everything in the area depends on the traffic. And that’s where our story begins…
I feel like I should be writing something deep and profound to start off the new year. My brain will not respond. How about something…um…confound? Starting with the word confound. It is neither profound nor proper grammar