One day a forgetful farmer forgot to bring his bucket of milk back in before bed. Overnight, two frogs landed in the bucket and couldn’t get out.
The first frog said “We’re doomed! Oh, death by dairy, a disgusting demise.”
The second frog said. “You presume our passing. If we persist, we will pull ourselves out.”
First Frog: Don’t placate me. I can’t persist in persisting. Such persistence is puddingheaded.”
I used to drive for a limo service. It wasn’t a bad job: I picked the client up, drove him to the airport, waited patiently for the tip that never came, and drove back to the office wondering why I always expected a tip. Driving in New York and New Jersey? Sure, it sucks, but most jobs do. But I met a lot of interesting and even famous people…if by meant you mean them staring at my head for an hour or so, depending on traffic. Everything in the area depends on the traffic. And that’s where our story begins…
I feel like I should be writing something deep and profound to start off the new year. My brain will not respond. How about something…um…confound? Starting with the word confound. It is neither profound nor proper grammar
Why doesn’t Santa uses chimneys anymore?
He has Claus-trophobia.
William Faulkner trying to tweet using only 140 characters
Oscar Wilde and Walt Whitman sexting
Psst…Hey…Check out my historical fantasy, The Watchmage of Old New York. It’s only 99 cents for the holiday season, and available in paperback too! Books make great gifts, and ebooks are great (cyber) stocking stuffers.
Best thing I’ve read about the recent revelations on sexual harassment and assault:
2016: Not all men
2017: Hold my beer
Happy Saturday (even though I’m writing this on Friday)!
My friends know that I’m obsessed with DoggoSpeak, so they send me doggo memes all the time. Closer to the truth is that I’m obsessed with language and how it evolves (even from Doge to Doggo in just a year or two!), but that’s a post for another time. Cat talk like the now mostly forgotten can haz cheezburger also gets me thinking. I mean, why do cats and dogs have such horrible grammar and spelling skills? It does me a bamboozle.
A friend sent me a Youtube link today, and I went down down down down down the rabbit (doggo) hole. Feast your eyes on THESE!
BUT WAIT! THERE’S MORE!!
Someone did this with cats too!!! This whole post is like the doggo/catto dictionary. Take that, Mister Webster!
This shitpost has been brought to you by: Weird Obsessions, Pet Love, and Too Much Cawfee!