Civilization is the underwear that protects us from humanity’s collective asshole. Without it, we get covered in our own shit.

What? Not everything I say has to be profound. Hell, most of my online communication is through doggo memes.

doggo turtleboozled


“America First,” Slogans, and Subtext

You may have noticed that the president is using the slogan “America First” just as much as “Make America Great Again.” You probably haven’t thought twice about this. I mean, what American doesn’t want to put America first? We have to take care of our own before others, right?

If words were just words, that’d be fine. but we all know (especially if you’re a writer or reader) that there’s more to words than face value. It’s not just what you say, it’s how you say it (like sarcasm), and what images, symbols, or memories it evokes. There is text, context, and subtext.

Marketers agonize over the right slogans and symbols. You only have to watch a few commercials to see this in action. Remember Puppymonkeybaby? Why did they choose that chimeric combination? Why did they have it dancing around? What were they trying to say about their drink?

Or with campaign slogans, what does “Make America Great Again” make you feel? What about Obama’s “Yes We Can”? Or Reagan’s “Morning in America?” They’re all saying similar things, but they have different subtext. It’s the subtext that appeals to and empowers different people, and that’s why I’m bringing up “America First.

america first kkk

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Hard Things are Hard

Yesterday I did something that I never expected to have to do. I cut loose someone very important to me. I won’t go into details, but it’s been an act that I’ve been musing on for some time.

That time doesn’t make it easier.

We make decisions everyday that change our lives. We constantly face crossroads, deals with the devil and appeals to our better nature. The worst part is that you rarely know that you’re there at the time. It’s not until later where you realize “hey, turning left instead of right sent me far from where I meant to go. This is not my beautiful house. This is not my beautiful wife. How did I get here?” Or “turning left was one of the best decisions that I ever made.”

And some decisions are harder than others. Some of them you know will change your life. Some of them are failures. Sometimes the decision is not turning at all, but letting fear and indecisiveness freeze you in place. Every action has a consequence, and not choosing is still a choice. I avoided choosing for a long time, but I finally did it.

We’ll see if I chose the right path. Right now I just feel hollow. Not good or bad. More like an emptiness. I feel spent. The choice took all of my spoons.

But I’d probably do it again. Part of being an adult is doing what has to be done.

Being an adult is hard.

In honor of the 5th anniversary of my fiance’s death, her collected works is now available for FREE for 5 days. Val was an extraordinary writer, the best that I’ve ever known. Please share in her work and my love by picking up her story collection.

valerie cover


The Frogs and the Milk

doge in space card redux

One day a forgetful farmer forgot to bring his bucket of milk back in before bed. Overnight, two frogs landed in the bucket and couldn’t get out.

The first frog said “We’re doomed! Oh, death by dairy, a disgusting demise.”

The second frog said. “You presume our passing. If we persist, we will pull ourselves out.”

First Frog: Don’t placate me. I can’t persist in persisting. Such persistence is puddingheaded.”

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Lemme Tell You a Story

I used to drive for a limo service. It wasn’t a bad job: I picked the client up, drove him to the airport, waited patiently for the tip that never came, and drove back to the office wondering why I always expected a tip. Driving in New York and New Jersey? Sure, it sucks, but most jobs do. But I met a lot of interesting and even famous people…if by meant you mean them staring at my head for an hour or so, depending on traffic. Everything in the area depends on the traffic. And that’s where our story begins…

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Being Profound is Hard Work

I feel like I should be writing something deep and profound to start off the new year. My brain will not respond. How about something…um…confound? Starting with the word confound. It is neither profound nor proper grammar



The Ants and the Grasshoppers

Once there was a terrible winter, with terrible cold, terrible snow, and a terrible lack of hot chocolate (with tiny marshmallows). The insects in the Woodly Woods barely survived, except for the ants, who had foresight and hid away enough food to survive the terrible cold, terrible snow, and terrible lack of hot chocolate (with tiny marshmallows).

Come Spring, Alexandra Ant, the leader of the ants, realized that the ants must help their fellow insects. They set up a great insect convocation. The beetles were there. The stinkbugs were there. All of the bugs were there.

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