Fear of Success?

Sometimes I wonder if I truly want to be a famous author.

Of course it’s been my dream since I was a child. When other kids would run around at recess, I stayed on the side and wrote short stories. I lived in my imagination (and still do). But I wonder if success would take that love for writing away from me.

I think about the pressure that must come with a big time contract. Imagine hard deadlines that you have to meet or fail. Imagine that your career hangs on a string, every book has to be a success, or it’ll kill your career. (this happened to one of my college professors). Imagine the hate tweets and angry reviews. I imagine all of those things, and I wonder.

But then I remember the dream. Writing full time and actually having people read my books. The joy of acceptance. No longer feeling like a failure, with no value to society (this is a big insecurity for me, whether irrational or not. I never said that my brain makes sense). After a life time of fitting in, finally being accepted for who I am.

Then I think, no matter what, I will always love writing. Success? Failure? Why should I care?

I wish I didn’t care.

I do.

BTW: Watchmage is on sale this week at Amazon. 99 cents. Not bad.

This message was brought to you by a very insecure human being.

Hey, like history? Like fantasy? Like Mystery? Like ME? Check out my latest novel,The Watchmage of Old New York, based on the award-winning serial of the same name. Click on the graphic below or here for the Amazon buy site, or buy on Barnes & Noble, iBooks, or Kobo.  Don’t miss out on this, old fans and new will love what I’ve done with the story.

the-watchmage-is-coming1

 

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5 thoughts on “Fear of Success?

    • That’s definitely true, but I think every writer/artist/musician dreams of doing it full time. It would be nice to not have to do odd jobs as well (although I do enjoy tutoring and editing somewhat).

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