It’s 4:30 in the morning, the sky is black as a locked closet, and I am awake.
I don’t know if you can tell, but I’m not happy about this.
I woke up around 4 and hoped that I could fall back to sleep, but I can’t. I fought with it, wrestled with it, pleaded, negotiated, bribed…nothing could convince my body to go the hell to sleep. I have Upsomnia.
It’s not exactly insomnia. I can fall asleep at first. It’s more that something wakes me up after a few hours and my mind won’t let me get back into that sleep mode. Today it was a bad dream that hit me right in the insecurities. I have a lot on my mind, and I’ve been feeling a bit of the “spring fever,” where my thoughts are everywhere.
I’m not wide awake either. Actually I’m heckin groggy. I’m in that awful land between sharp and smooth. I’m a dull knife, and everyone knows that they hurt the most when you stab with them.
Maybe this is good. I write better when I’m angry, and lack of sleep makes me…well…you know. I’ve been having trouble writing anything coherent in my latest novel. Maybe this will focus me. I have to let the hate flow through me like lightning and embalming fluid.