Once there was a terrible winter, with terrible cold, terrible snow, and a terrible lack of hot chocolate (with tiny marshmallows). The insects in the Woodly Woods barely survived, except for the ants, who had foresight and hid away enough food to survive the terrible cold, terrible snow, and terrible lack of hot chocolate (with tiny marshmallows).
Come Spring, Alexandra Ant, the leader of the ants, realized that the ants must help their fellow insects. They set up a great insect convocation. The beetles were there. The stinkbugs were there. All of the bugs were there.
Alexandra Ant told the other bugs how they survived the winter. She told the other bugs that to be prepared for the terrible cold, terrible snow, and terrible lack of hot chocolate (with tiny marshmallows), they must save a portion of their food and help each other through the terrible winter. “Though we are all different,” she said, “we each bring something special and unique. We are stronger together, and combining our skills will be for the betterment of all.”
After much debate, the bugs agreed. All except the grasshoppers. “Why should we share with anyone!? It’s my food, not yours!! Don’t tread on my rights!!!” Said Gerald Grasshopper. “The ants are lying to you!!!! They live in a deep state underground, and they won’t share!!!!! The winter never happened. It was faked by the ants!!!!!!”
So all of the bugs except the grasshoppers made sure to store a portion of their food and help each other. The ants stored it underground to keep it safe. But the grasshoppers, instead of contributing, hopped around the forests and made music with their fiddle legs. Any bug that told them that storing food was in their best interests was attacked and driven off, for grasshoppers are never ever ever ever wrong and any attempt to show them a different way was met with cries of “war on summer!!!!!!!” and violent rebuttal.
You see, the grasshoppers were extra smart. Gerald spoke with the birds in the trees. The grasshoppers looked up to them. The birds were obviously smart and moral, or else they wouldn’t live so high. They wanted to live high in the trees too.
Harold Hawk III told the grasshoppers “don’t worry, be free from the oppression. We will take care of you. We have lots of food, and anything that falls from our mouths will be yours. Follow us. And the grasshoppers did, because the grasshoppers looked up to the obviously smart and moral birds. They even allowed the birds to eat some of them, because the birds would drop food for them.
Winter came, terrible once again. Terrible cold, terrible snow, and terrible lack of hot chocolate (with tiny marshmallows). But the bugs were all prepared. They ate the food that they stored for the terrible winter. The grasshoppers did not.
You see, the grasshoppers were extra smart, and they knew that the birds would take care of them. They waited for the birds to deliver, but Harold Hawk III and the other birds flew south for the terrible winter. No food fell for the grasshoppers.
Gerald Grasshopper begged Alexandra the Ant and the other bugs to share their food with them. While many bugs thought that it was the kind thing to do, Alexandra remembered their grasshopper creed and how violently they defended that creed. She didn’t want to take that away from them. She knew that grasshopper freedom was more important than grasshopper food.
The grasshoppers could not reach the trees where the birds promised them food. They grasshoppers froze from the terrible cold. They got lost in the terrible snow. They starved from the terrible lack of hot chocolate. But as they froze, they cried out their creed: “Why should we share with anyone!? It’s my food, not yours!! Don’t tread on my rights!!!” Said Gerald Grasshopper. The ants are lying to you!!!! They live in a deep state underground, and they won’t share!!!! The winter never happened!!!!! It was faked by the ants!!!!!!!”
Come springtime, all the other bugs looked for the grasshoppers. Only Gerald Grasshopper was left, eating pieces of the other grasshoppers. Gerald had lost one leg. He could no longer fiddle. Instead, he blamed the other bugs, especially bugs that were new to the forest. “They took our food!!!!!!!!!” He whined, though he spent the summer fiddling instead of gathering. “The birds will come back, and they will surely keep their promise this year.” Gerald still looked up to the birds. He believed in them, for the birds were obviously smart and moral, or else they wouldn’t live so high. Gerald wanted to live high in the trees too.
The next winter, Gerald Grasshopper was dead.
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