RVD Leaves WWE: Song Parody

Multiple sources are reporting that RVD’s match on Smackdown this week will be his last of the year. RVD only wrestles a few months out of the year, so this is no surprise. He’s basically there to enhance (i.e. job to) up-and-comers like Cesaro, like a level boss of sorts.

I love RVD, and I try to remember him as he was in ECW, when he was the whole fuckin’ show. He was like nothing I’d ever seen before. Even though he’s forty, He’s still got moves, but he’s not as good as he used to be. A hundred matches with Sabu will do that.

I won’t forget that botch 2 months ago where he got tangled in the side apron. It filled me with sad…and sadness.

Colorado and Washington…not that I keep track of these things…drugs are bad, m’kay

Note: I don’t know if RVD still smokes pot or not. He was suspended for pot in 2006. Considering WWE’s wellness policy, he probably doesn’t (while under contract)

So here’s a song I wrote for RVD’s farewell. Enjoy (it’s awful). And check out this Youtube video. It’s proof that RVD caused one of the most famous botches in WWE history.

Goodbye RVD (to the tune of Elton John’s “Candle in the Wind”)

Goodbye RVD
Though I never knew you at all
you have the grace to five star splash
while those around you jobbed.
You did a lot of yoga
THC into your brain
They made you do homoerotic groin splits
and gave initials as your name.

And it seems to me, you lived your life
Like Humpty Dumpty on a Schwinn
Never knowing who to job to,
When the weed kicked in.
And I’m glad I got to watch you,
When you were just a kid,
Your ankle shattered long ago
Your legend never did.

Loneliness was tough
driving from town to town
Whether you played hardcore,
or new age stoner clown.
Even when you jobbed,
The websites hounded you
All the sites they had to say,
That RVD
Was leaving SmackDown soon.


Goodbye RVD
From the mark in the 22nd row
Who saw you as the fuckin’ man
Not just the whole fuckin’ show.


Doesn’t that bring a tear to your eye?

Like my posts? Follow my website or “Like” my facebook fan page and/or follow me on Twitter. You can also purchase my debut novel, Song of Simon, at any online bookstore or a real one (they both exist). Song of Simon currently has a 4.8/5.0 rating on Amazon, so it’s pretty damn good. If you’re looking for something FREE, you can read my serial (soon to be an expanded series of novels) The Watchmage of Old New York. Though it ended in February, it remains one of the most popular serials on JukePop OF ALL TIME!


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s