Imagine that you’re a six year old. Out of nowhere, you get a puppy. It’s a beautiful black and white terrier that smothers you in kisses and loves nothing more than to play. He snuggles with you every night, and wakes you in the morning with a lick on the ear. For months you bond with that puppy and go on all sorts of adventures. You play Spaceman and Stardog. You play Cops and K9s. You make up your own games just to spend time with your beloved best friend.
Then your puppy gets run over by a BMW, that backs over him again and then drives away. You stand mute as your best friend lies broken in the street.
Repeat this for the rest of your life.
Like my posts? Follow my website or “Like” my facebook fan page and/or follow me on Twitter. You can also purchase my debut novel, Song of Simon, at any online bookstore or a real one (you’ll probably have to order it). Of course, you can always buy an autographed one from me, just send me a message. Song of Simon currently has a 4.7/5.0 rating on Amazon, so people seem to like it. If you’re looking for something FREE, you can read my serial (soon to be an expanded series of novels) The Watchmage of Old New York. Though it ended in February, it remains one of the most popular serials on JukePop OF ALL TIME!
I watched a little too much South Park last night, including the ones with Butters/Prof. Chaos. I have decided that he is my arch enemy. As one friend said, “I’ve never met anyone as clenched as you.”
I like his cape though.
I wasn’t always this way. I used to be very easy going, mellow, all loosey goosey hippy blah blah blah. Then my mother died. Then my girlfriend, Valerie died. Then something inside of me died. I need to have everything in its place.
I recently found out why during therapy: Both people died when I wasn’t there. I turned my back, and they were gone. My mother was on vacation when she died. Valerie had just moved to Binghamton to get her PhD is Writing. I went to visit her, and I found her on the floor. Two days later–two years as of tomorrow–she was dead. I still adore her, and I’m madly in love with her ghost.
The world is Chaos and conspires to destroy us, and all we can do is carve out a little piece of happiness while we can, before it’s taken away.
Maybe the Crab People should be my arch enemy. They don’t have capes.
See? No capes.
Like my posts? Follow my website or “Like” my facebook fan page and/or follow me on Twitter. You can also purchase my debut novel, Song of Simon, at any online bookstore or a real one (you’ll probably have to order it). Of course, you can always buy an autographed one from me, just send me a message. Song of Simon currently has a 4.7/5.0 rating on Amazon, so people seem to like it. If you’re looking for something FREE, you can read my serial (soon to be an expanded series of novels) The Watchmage of Old New York. Though it ended in February, it remains one of the most popular serials on JukePop OF ALL TIME!
I don’t write many personal posts anymore, but something happened this week that shook me so bad, I’m still in “Crisis Mode.”
For a little over two months now, I’ve been dating someone. Things have been great, and I’ve final found someone that I have a connection with. It’s the first person that I’ve felt this way about since Valerie died.
Most of you don’t know: My girlfriend Valerie Z. Lewis passed away very suddenly on January 24th, 2013. In two weeks, it’ll be two years. She had recently moved to Binghamton, NY, to get her PhD in Writing (she was an incredible writer. You can find her novels and collected short stories on Amazon. The revenue goes to Mercy College’s Valerie Z. Lewis Award for Excellence in Creative Writing), and I was soon to follow.
I went to visit her, and I found her on the floor. Two days later, she was dead. I died with her.
I’ve dated since then, but this is the first time that I’ve found someone. It took me two years to get over the fear of opening up to someone, only to see them die.
So when my current gf started shaking and seizing in my apt, when she couldn’t breathe and her left side fell limp, it was my worst nightmare coming true. I moved with alacrity I didn’t know I had, calling 911 with one hand while keeping her shaking body from injuring herself with the other. I wrapped her in one of my giant hoodies and held her, begging her to hold on, trying to keep her coherent with reassurance.
On the inside I was dying all over again.
They still don’t know what’s wrong. She’s slept most of this week, and still twitches. I’m terrified to leave her alone. If I wasn’t there, I don’t know if she would’ve lived.
Maybe I’m cursed. Dating me is poison. I’m already broken, and losing another will destroy me. I’m not strong enough anymore, if I ever was.
Last week I had a bit of a medical scare. It was actually a ginormous medical scare. I accidently took a double dose of my medicine and had a very bad reaction to it. It was so bad that when they rushed me to the hospital, triage immediately ushered me inside. You have to be in imminent danger to get that kind of treatment.
All the messy part aside, I came out ok, but my face looked like raw hamburger for days. It was so bad that I couldn’t even look at myself in the mirror. Raw. Bloody. Hamburger.
Hi everybody! I’ll be hanging out in your nightmares for a while.
I’m back to my stunningly handsome self now, though I’ll never forget to fill the weekly pill box again.
It’s scary, I never used to have problems with remembering my pills until this year. The only change in my medicine was the Klonopin. When Valerie died, I had daily (sometimes more than one) panic attacks. The doctor gave me Klonopin, and I’ve heard that it can cause short term memory loss. Has anyone else ever had this issue?
Maybe it’s been long enough that I can get off the Klonopin, or at least take a lower dose. I still have panic attacks, but they are less common. The doc refuses to give me Xanax. All I know is I don’t want to go through what I did last week. I miss my mind.
I don’t write much about my own life anymore, mostly because it’s boring. My daily process is: wake up, coffee or exercise, breakfast, videogames for an hour(almost always Happy Wars), write all afternoon (with a short lunch break), dinner, and two hours to myself. It’s like this almost every day, except for days where I have job assignments or D&D. It’s not the most exciting life, but as far as writing goes, it’s productive.
I have a close friend that’s a screenwriter in LA, and one of the original beta readers on Song of Simon. I’ve known him since we were kids, when he was friends with my younger brother. He ended going to SUNY New Paltz with me, and we both became writing majors. He’s a great dude, and I was very happy that he was flying into New York with his boyfriend, who I never met.
Unfortunately he had to run around all over the place while here. Instead, a bunch of us met up in a centralized location. It’s someplace I loathe: Times Square.
If you’re a tourist to NYC, Times Square is a great place to start. If you’ve lived in and around the city all of your life, it’s an Elmo-infested hell. There’s a person in an Elmo costume (or Batman, Spiderman, etc) on every corner, trying to get you to take pics with him for money. It’s obnoxious and pervasive, like a furry, red virus.
Elmo likes ’em young.
But I went at night, and it was more like the Times Square I loved as a young man. Instead of Elmos, there were barkers handing out coupons to strip and comedy clubs. Yes! My New York is tits and laughs. They know what I like.
I also managed to photobomb at least five groups of tourists. I’M FOREVER IN YOUR NYC MEMORIES, SUCKAS!!!
yup
We met up in the Hard Rock Café. I know it’s a tourist trap (and obscenely overpriced) but it was easy for all of us to get to (me from the Port Authority, the others from Penn Station). I gave my friend a huge bear hug, and he marveled at my weight loss (120 pounds so far). I met his boyfriend, who is awesome. He’s a geek that got all of my D&D references (getting just one makes you my bff). We ate overpriced food and talked about all things writing, industry, and geek. I saw the trailer to his self-produced pilot, and it’s so good I want to delete everything I’ve ever written.
Oh, I photobombed a few more people at the Hard Rock. I’m a bastard.
Because the bus ride to and from the city is 2 hours (even though I live 30 minutes away by car), I didn’t get home until almost 2am. That’s so late for me, it fucked up all my Kool-Aid for the next day. It was worth it. Every trip to the city should be as good…and as Elmo free.
Especially after some street meat
Like my posts? Follow my website or “Like” my facebook fan page and/or follow me on Twitter. You can also purchase my debut novel, Song of Simon, at any online bookstore or a real one (they both exist). Song of Simon currently has a 4.8/5.0 rating on Amazon, so it’s pretty damn good. If you’re looking for something FREE, you can read my serial (soon to be an expanded series of novels) The Watchmage of Old New York. Though it ended in February, it remains one of the most popular serials on JukePop OF ALL TIME!
Hey everyone. I want to wish all my fellow tribespeople a happy Rosh Hashanah. Shannah Tovah!
BTW: Shannah Tovah is short for L’Shannah Tovah Tikatevu. The translation is “may you be inscribed in the Book of Life for a good year.” Shannah Tovah just means “for a good year.” I hope I’m getting my Hebrew right (I only know a few words and sentences) or else I’ll look pretty dumb.
Enjoy all the deliciousness.
Like my posts? Follow my website or “Like” my facebook fan page and/or follow me on Twitter. You can also purchase my debut novel, Song of Simon, at any online bookstore or a real one (they both exist). Song of Simon currently has a 4.8/5.0 rating on Amazon, so it’s pretty damn good. If you’re looking for something FREE, you can read my serial (soon to be an expanded series of novels) The Watchmage of Old New York. Though it ended in February, it remains one of the most popular serials on JukePop OF ALL TIME!
Hey all. I’ve been slacking a little bit with the articles, because I’ve been out having fun. Fun is fun, and it’s rare that I get to have fun. I hope that you all had a great Labor Day weekend with lots of fun. Because fun is fun.
But…fun is fun…
Anyway, I am working on an article which should be up soon. It’s about book promotion and how Settlers of Catan (and similar games) made me a better promoter. Intrigued? Me too. I dunno how I’m gonna bring these together. I have a general idea though, and I trust in my brain. It’s crazy enough to find a link.
does that strategy ever work?
So gamers and writer, look out. I’m comin’ to gitcha…with words.
Like my posts? Follow my website or “Like” my facebook fan page and/or follow me on Twitter. You can also purchase my debut novel, Song of Simon, at any online bookstore or a real one (they both exist). Song of Simon currently has a 4.8/5.0 rating on Amazon, so it’s pretty damn good. If you’re looking for something FREE, you can read my serial (soon to be an expanded series of novels) The Watchmage of Old New York. Though it ended in February, it remains one of the most popular serials on JukePop OF ALL TIME!
Dungeons & Dragons turned 40 this year. Since its beginnings, over 20 million people have rolled a 20-sided die and failed their damn Saving Throw. I’m not sure if D&D was the first RPG, but it’s certainly the best known and most popular. It survived horrible mismanagement and many different editions (let’s never mention 4th Edition i.e. tabletop WoW), but it still remains my favorite hobby and the primary influence on my writing skills.
Do you find it weird that I credit D&D for helping me write well? Then you’ve never played.
Still Life With RPGs
It’s hard to remember exactly where I was first exposed to D&D. I suspect that it was the old cartoon, which holds up surprisingly well today. It might have been the board game Dungeon, which was so much fun. I wish I still had it.
I do remember the first time I played. It was 4th grade. I recently moved from the Bronx to Rockland County, a suburb of New York City. I was without friends and completely out of my element. I broke my collarbone just before school started, so while everyone else was at recess, I had to sit with the teachers. It was not a good way to make friends.
A kid named Marc was just as unpopular as me, but he has this really cool game. You got to make up a character and go on adventures and stuff. It was all in your imagination, and it was fun. I was instantly hooked.
And we need more Mountain Dew!!!
In high school, I found more gamers, and people got worried. I went to a special school for the “bad kids” and there were already rumors about how D&D made you worship the devil (assholes like Jack Chick didn’t help). I met a crazy bastard named Kevin there, and he got me back into the game. We used to play at lunch until the school banned the game. Fucking bullshit!
btw: Kevin is still a crazy bastard, but I love him like a brother. You better read this fucking article, man!
In college, I found the group that I still play with today. The game became less about smashing shit and more about character development. The world we play in, Aquerra, a creation of my (often referenced) friend Osvaldo, was rich in detail and complexity and like nothing I’ve experienced before. Even better, every character we created and adventure we went on added layers of detail to the already laden world. Aquerra is also where the term Watchmage comes from, though my version and Osvaldo’s have little in common.
Not only have these gamers become my closest friends, they are also very talented roleplayers and world builders. I consider them my mentors as I developed my own writing skills.
D&D: Writing Class With Mountain Dew
Every writer should play roleplaying games. I don’t mean video games like WoW or Skyrim, I mean the good, uncut stuff: Dungeons & Dragons, World of Darkness, Champions…but mostly D&D.
I’m not the only writer that feels that way. Jon Favreau also credits D&D for honing his skills, and several creative types like George RR Martin, R.A. Salvatore, Stephen Colbert and Robin Williams were also players.
Role playing games teach you how to build a character the only true way: by becoming him. If you want to write a convincing character, you have to climb into his skin. Learn to think like him, act like him. Have him interact with other characters, before you actually start your story. You have to treat him like a real person. Only then will you know his heart.
DMing will make you a master world builder. For RPGs, you have to build a world for your PCs and NPCs to live in. If you can building a massive campaign setting for a game, you can build one for a story.
Running adventures teaches you about plot, pacing, and when to increase or decrease tension (an article from me about pacing is coming next week). With experience you learn when to ratchet up the drama, and when to ease up. You learn plot points, and if you really analyze it, you learn the Hero’s Journey.
Embrace Your Inner (and Outer) Geek
When I was young, playing D&D made you an outcast. I already had serious issues with bullies (ironic since I was so much bigger than everyone), so I hid my hobby. I played in basements with other outcasts like me. We were united in our game, and united in our persecution. But god forbid someone found out.
We’re in a geek renaissance right now, and it’s a beautiful thing. People love comics and scifi/fantasy. You don’t have to be embarrassed of your Star Wars toy collection anymore. Yet for some reason, D&D still gets mocked.
The horror…the horror…
Enough of this! OUT OF THE BASEMENTS AND INTO THE STREETS!
Ok, maybe I shouldn’t equate this to the gay rights movement, but until D&D is as accepted as other geek hobbies, no geek is free.
I think we need a sponsor…maybe Mountain Dew.
Like my posts? Follow my website or “Like” my facebook fan page and/or follow me on Twitter. You can also purchase my debut novel, Song of Simon, at any online bookstore or a real one (they both exist). Song of Simon currently has a 4.8/5.0 rating on Amazon, so it’s pretty damn good. If you’re looking for something FREE, you can read my serial (soon to be an expanded series of novels) The Watchmage of Old New York. Though it ended in February, it remains one of the most popular serials on JukePop OF ALL TIME!
I got back from my road trip sunday evening. I am overwhelmed with things I want to talk about. I don’t know where to start. I think it’ll take several posts to get it all out.
I also want to redo this website. I plan on adding categories, maybe a new color scheme, and a way to contact me personally. I might even start a mailing list and offer free stuff to the subscribers. I just have to learn how to do all of that. I wish I was better with computers.
I love you all very much and must express that in puppy form:
casandersdotnet 