Author Archives: C. A. Sanders

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About C. A. Sanders

Hi, everyone. I am a semi-established writer of fiction and non-fiction. I live in Rockland County, NY, where I ply my trade and occasionally get paid for it. You can see my full website, with links to published work and my blog, at www.casanders.net

I Promised Big News . . .

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And here it is.  Drum roll please . . .

My novel Song of Simon was accepted for publication by Damnation Press.  It is a small press, and I will have to do most of the promotion, but it’s still a big step up from self publishing.  I am still waiting for the contact, and of course I’ll have a lawyer take a look at it.  Mama Sanders din’t raise no foo’.

For those that aren’t reading my serial, The Watchmage of Old New York, you’re missing out on a great romp.  I just posted Chapter 4, and the whole series is a lot of fun.  I highly recomend it if you enjoy fantasy fiction.

Rest in Peace, My Valerie (1977-2013)

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I buried my soul mate yesterday.

Last Tuesday (Jan 22), I went up to Binghamton to visit Val.  She was up there to begin her PhD candidacy in English.  I climbed the stairs to the back door and knocked.  I looked through the screen, and she was on the floor.  I don’t think that Val would want me to tell the final details of her life to strangers, so I will refrain.

Val was pronounced brain dead Thursday morning.  She died that evening.  She was my world.  She was the most brilliant, caring, gifted, loving, person that I will ever know.  Her writing is some of the best that I have ever read.  I only wish that I could write like her.

Her obituary is here.  Her website is here.

If you read my blog, you know how much I love her.  We just celebrated our anniversary.  I went to her mom’s for Christian Christmas (as opposed to my usual, Jewish Christmas.  We just didn’t have enough time together.

I want to tell you all about her.  I want people to know and love her the way that I love her, the way that she deserves to be loved.

This is what I told the Binghamton reporter that is writing her memorial:

She was about as warm and giving a person could be.  She cared very deeply about her students and would always go the extra mile for them.  Her favorite writer was Oscar Wilde, and I am sure that she could go wit for wit with him and come out the victor.  On her wall there was a picture of Oscar Wilde next to a picture of Malcom X.  I asked her about it once, and she said “I’d like to think that they are lovers in Heaven.”
Val loved so many things:  Joss Whedon (especially Buffy the Vampire Slayer), Rancid (for the past year she has been keeping a tongue-in-cheek photo journal updating the status of Tim Armstrong’s epic beard.  That was just her sense of humor), action figures (she had a massive collection of action figures, she would sometimes use them as writing prompts for students, but mostly they just hung around the house).  She loved to write, she was constantly writing, but even more than that, she loved to teach.  She loved the Oxford Comma, if you could love punctuation.  She had a passionate affair with Semicolons.

She was a strong woman: independent but not distant, tough but not hard, witty but not cruel.  She was brilliant, the most intelligent person that I have ever met.  She loved Grammar.  She was very excited to be taking a Grad level Grammar class at Binghamton.  She felt a great sadness for people that couldn’t use “there, their, and they’re” properly.

Her writing was incredible.  When we first started dating, I asked what she wrote.  She said something like “I do mostly short stories, mostly humorous, but when you say you write humor people think you write bad stand-up or something. I love the type of short story that can make you laugh and feel sad within like five pages so that’s what I try for.” 
If you read some of her writing (on her website), you will see that she succeeded everytime.
 
If you would like, I can recommend some of my favorite stories. 
 
I don’t know what else I can say.  She was the most perfect person that ever walked the face of this Earth.  She was too perfect, too gifted, too gentle and loving for us.  I would say that she was ahead of her time, but Time will never catch up to her.
This is what I said, but there was so much more to her.  She wrote erotic fan fic  as a hobby, and helped form an entire community for it.  Her frank talk and writing about mental illness was inspirational and life saving for many people.
On our first date, she gave me a toy for my turtle.  Who does that?  Who is that thoughtful?  Val was.  On our second date, I spilled an entire move-sized diet coke in her lap, and she didn’t walk out on me.  On the contrary, after the movie, she still made out with me.
She did all of this, but I knew that she was the One when I first walked into her apartment, and there was a giant Godzilla doll on her refrigerator.
I am concerned with her legacy.  I want the whole world to know how gifted a writer she was.  I want her name immortalized the way that it should be.  She was everything that I could ever want, or want to be.
I love you so much, Valerie.  I will love you forever.
The two of us, late December, 2012

The two of us, late December, 2012

Birthday: Reflections, Refractions, and a Serious Confession

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Last week was my 36th birthday.  I just getting around to writing about it now, mostly because I don’t know how I feel about it.  One thing is certain:  I feel old.

I broke a rib on New Years . . . Coughing.  I broke it coughing.  Who the hell breaks a rib coughing?  I have saggy man tits and a jiggly belly.  My back hurts.  My blood pressure is up.  I suppose that these are normal things, but there is a lot more on my plate.

Lifewise, I like where I am right now, but it’s not where I expected to be.  To be honest, I expected to be dead by now.

I have a serious confession to make.

I have severe Bi-Polar Syndrome.  I was diagnosed when I was 14.  I spent much of my teenage years in and out of hospitals.  I went to a special school for the “emotionally challenged.”  The side effects from the various medications are torturous, to the point where I no longer know what it’s like to “feel good.”

As an adult, I have never been able to hold a full time job for more than a year or two.  No matter how extraordinary I am at the job, I inevitably have a manic or depressive cycle and lose it.  I ended up working low paying odd jobs and resigning myself to poverty.

Last year, I ended up homeless in the middle of Winter.  I was living out of a ’97 Saturn, which I would park in a park or parking lot and hope that I wasn’t carjacked.

Through most of my adult life, I suffered without help.  I didn’t know that there was help out there for people like me:  mentally ill, but not ill enough to require a group home.

Thankfully, I found help.  MHA found me a place to live, and helped me to apply for disability.  So yes, now I am a drain on society.  I am ashamed of this, very ashamed.  I hate myself for it.  I wish that I could stand on my own, but I tried and failed at this for 36 years.  I still live well below the poverty line (you don’t want to know how low), but at least now I know that I will always be able to pay the rent and have food to eat.

This is not where I expected to be.  I still work towards getting off of disability, but the only thing I am able to do, even when I am having an attack, is write.  It’s the only thing that I have ever wanted to do, and oddly enough, it’s proven to be the only thing that saves me.

I don’t know why I am confessing something that I am so ashamed of, especially when there is such a public stigma towards it (no, I don’t own a gun.  If I did, I would’ve turned it on myself a long time ago.  It worked for Hemmingway, right?)

I am ashamed of being ashamed.  Ashamed of hiding who I am.  I just turned 36 years old, and I don’t care about being stigmatized anymore.  I don’t care if you judge me.  I don’t care if you are revolted, scared, or made uncomfortable by me.  I don’t care if you think that I am melodramatic and think that I should just “suck it up.”

I just turned 36 years old.  I have bi-polar syndrome.  If you have a problem with that, you can go to Hell.

That’s what I tell myself.

Thank you for reading my blog.  If you like it, follow me.  And don’t forget to check out and vote for my serial “The Watchmage of Old New York” on Jukepop Serials.  Chs. 1 & 2 (of a planned 6) is up now.  Registration takes a minute. 

And of course, you can look at my fiction and nonfiction right here on this website.  Writing is the only thing I do well.  Help me to keep doing it.

Great News!

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I can’t help but be obnoxiously excited.  My novellette “The Watchmage of Old New York” has been accepted by Jukepop Serials to be published in serial form!

So big whoop!  Why are you so excited?  You get stuff published all the freakin time

Two reasons:

1) Moving a 15,000 word story is next to impossible.  Too big for most magazines, too small to self publish.

2) They pay 2cents a word (up to 5000 words).  Because part 1 was 4000 words, I am looking at an 80 dollar pay day.  For fiction, that is a huge pay day in an industry where they rarely pay you for short stories.

My favorite cheese is . . . chedda!

Further more, if my story is voted into the top 30, I get cash prizes.  So vote for me!  Vote early, vote often!  You have to register, but it is an easy registration, and there are a lot of good serials on there.  Mine is the best, but others are good too.

Valerie has a new story up too, and it is amazing (like all of them).  She is so much more talented than me that it’s ridiculous.  Even her dick jokes are more subtle and nuanced.

So yeah, read and vote for my story!  And read some of the others on there too.

In Which Craiggers Tries to Solve the Gun Control Issue, Because He Thinks That He is Smarter Than Everyone Else

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I don’t think that i am smarter than everyone else. Even I’m not that arrogant. What I am is a very smart dude who surrounds himself with people smarter than him.

So why do I say that I can solve gun control (when I know that I can’t)?  Because I am not a politician or a media whore that has to play to his base and say ridiculous, inflammatory stuff.  I am trying to see both sides.  I am trying to find a compromise, not an inflammatory treatice.

Yes, I am a liberal, but I am going to do everything in my power here to take a moderate position, something that people on both sides will hate and call me horrible things for.  So let me have my say, and then feel free to call me names in the comments section.

There are 3 parts to my plan:

  1. No new bans on guns
  2. Clamp down on illegal gun sales and trafficking
  3. Comprehensive licensing

Leave the guns alone . . . yes, all of them– This is going to piss off a lot of my liberal friends, but I think that banning certain guns is less important than making sure that the gun owners are, as they say, “responsible gun owners.”  As gun owners say, “Guns don’t kill people, people kill people.  Guns make it easier, but it is the person behind the gun that is the variable

I personally do not own a gun.  I feel no need.  Then again, I own no property (or any nice things) and I live in an apartment complex about a block from a police station in a very safe neighborhood.  I can shout “help! police!” from my window, and a cop can shout back “What do you need?”

However, there are a lot of people in rural areas that have a lot of land and no police nearby.  Where I live, the police would be here in minutes.  In rural areas, it might take hours.  The police would never be able to respond in time.  People have no choice but to arm themselves.

Allow States/Counties/etc to Make Ordinances On Specific Arms–Can you imagine someone with an AR-15 walking down the streets of Manhattan?  People in rural areas have no idea how crowded city streets are.  An auto or semiauto weapon firing in NYC would endanger dozens, if not hundreds of people.  I am not exaggerating, hang around the City sometime and you’ll see what I mean.  Your resonable weapon in the boondocks is an unintentional massacre in the City.

There was an incident last year where a gunman shot and killed his boss in Midtown Manhattan.  The police gave chase and it became a running firefight.  A dozen people were wounded by police and the gunman.  What happened was that the ricochets struck all the passerbys.  Concrete creates ricochets where soil does not.  A gun that can fire 500 rounds a minute is going to have a lot of innocent caualties.

If a city wants stricter gun control, they should have it.  This way, the rural areas can get what they want, and the urban areas can get what they want.

Law-abiding Citizens Should Not Have Their Guns Taken Away–I am never in favor of laws that take away freedoms instead of protecting them.  That said . . .

If you commit any felony or misdemeanor violent crime, you lose your gun rights–If you can’t follow the law of the land, you don’t deserve its freedoms.  We all know someone that owns a gun, and you can’t help but think that this guy is gonna kill someone someday.  Hopefully, he gets caught in time.  I believe that expanding the felony rules to violent misdemeanors like assault will help weed out the violent types that are going to use guns unlawfully.

Perhaps we can allow these people to petition a judge to get their guns back after a while, but they have to earn it (maybe community service, anger management,etc)

Expanded Focus on Arms Trafficking–The NRA is taking an extreme stance, but they are right about one thing: the problem isn’t the guns, it’s the people.  We need to cut off Arms trafficking.  I can think off three ways to do so, and nobody is going to like them:

Increased power to ATF and Border Police–You say ATF to some people, and they reach for their shotguns, but the ATF is specifically there to stop illegal gun ownership and trade.  We need to stop the illegal trafficking at the border, not after they’ve been bought.

Let’s increase funding for state and local police too.  This what worked in NYC.  More cops = less crime.

No more gun shows or internet sales–This should be a no-brainer, but people have been glossing over it.  The gun show is basically a big loophole to get guns to people illegally.  It’s called “straw buying.”  A legal person goes to a gun show, buys a bunch of guns legally, and then sells them illegally.  This is much more prevalent than you might think.  The ATF reports that it is #2 method of aquiring guns illegally, next to smuggling.

The internet has the same problem.  Our buddy that killed all those people in Aurora last year, before he went on his rampage, he bought tons of guns and ammo on the web.

I’m sorry NRA people, but if you want guns out of the hands of the bad guys, you’re gonna have to compromise.  This is only a minor inconvenience anyway, as there are gun shops in about every town.  Support your local arms salesman, it’s good for the economy.

Build the damn wall–I never, ever, in my life thought that I would say that.  I am all for immigration, I wouldn’t be here if my great-grandparents didn’t say “screw you” to the pogroms and come to America.  But the issue is that Mexico is at war with itself right now, with drug lords carving out their own baronies.  Weapons and drugs keep spilling over.  There is a staggering amount of guns coming over illegally from Mexico.

But what about the immigrants?  Shouldn’t they be entitled to the American Dream?  Absolutely.  I think we should make it as easy for them as possible.  Have official immigration centers along the border.  Lots of them.  Hire lots of people to make it easier (reduces unemployment).  Give them green cards and a shot at making it.

People should be allowed to immigrate.  Why should we deny them the opportunities that were given our ancestors?  My family went through Ellis Island.  We should have something similar for them.

It doesn’t have to be a big stone Berlin Wall, but the border should be guarded.  Now that the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan are winding down, we have plenty of soldiers to do it, not to mention spy satellites, drones and all sorts of other stuff.  There are already civilians doing this (The “Minute Men”) and they are violent nuts jobs who are ready to kill.  Take the job out of there hands and give it to trained soldiers. Defending our borders is their job, let them do it.

Treat guns like cars.  In order to drive a car, you need to pass a permit test, and then a license test.  You need one for every type of vehicle you drive (car, motorcycle, commerical truck, etc).  Every car you drive requires insurance.

Cars kill more people than guns, yes, but guns are made specifically for killing.  they should be regulated at least as much as cars.

I propose a gun owners license for every type of gun (handgun, rifle, shotgun, semi-auto, auto, etc).  They have to prove that they know how to use and maintain their gun, as well as a written test on gun laws and responsiblities.  in addition, every gun must be registered, even rifles and shotguns.  Every gun should require insurance.

Again, this is an incovenience, but gun owners have to understand that what non-gun owners are angry about is not illegal gun owners, but stupid/angry/crazy gun owners.  Prove to us that you are not one of these gun owner, and we’re cool.

I was reading the comments on Yahoo News, and one genius said something like I know that I feel safer for me and my young children with my loaded AR-15 in the unbrella stand by the front door.

I went off on the guy.  the idea of having a loaded assault rifle within the reach of children is disgusting.  This guy thought that he was a responsible gun owner too.  No, he was a stupid one, and I hope that CPS pays a visit to his house.

I am sure that there are a lot of gun owners that think they are responsible, but they are really not.  Licensing helps keep everyone safe.

So that’s it, my little manifesto is over.  I think that this is a good, moderate compromise that everyone will come away from unhappy.  That is the essence of good politics.  In order to get what you want, you have to give a little.  We all have to slouch towards the middle.

Feel free to barrage me with comments now.  If you like what I said, or even if you hate it, you can share this too.  I don’t mind.

News Comments Make Me Hate

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After reading a bunch of the comments on a few YahooNews stories, I am feeling very Wordsworthy.

The world is too much with us; late and soon,
Getting and spending, we lay waste our powers:
Little we see in Nature that is ours;
We have given our hearts away, a sordid boon!
The Sea that bares her bosom to the moon;
The winds that will be howling at all hours,
And are up-gathered now like sleeping flowers;
For this, for everything, we are out of tune;
It moves us not.–Great God! I’d rather be
A Pagan suckled in a creed outworn;
So might I, standing on this pleasant lea,
Have glimpses that would make me less forlorn;
Have sight of Proteus rising from the sea;
Or hear old Triton blow his wreathed horn.

by William Wordsworth. 1806.