Book Signing Anxiety

I’m doing my first book signing a week from today, and I’m starting to get really anxious about it. Getting really anxious is pretty much part of my MO, so it’s not a surprise. It’s still a pain in the ass.

The Poughkeepsie Barnes & Noble has a Local Authors Day twice a year, and this time I was lucky enough to get in. That’s great, wonderful, but I have no idea what to do. How long should my reading be? Do I make a poster with book pricing? I have extra copies of one of the anthologies I’m in. Do I give those away with a sale? Do I bring candy?

As far as pricing goes, I’m thinking 15$ for Song of Simon, 10$ for The Collected Works of Valerie Z. Lewis. Selling Val’s book is more important than selling mine, in my opinion.

So I’m going to brave ahead, and hope that I don’t fall on my face. If I do…there’s an IHOP nearby. I can drown my sorrows in maple syrup.

cosmic-cat tripping balls redux

Like my posts? Follow my website or “Like” my facebook fan page and/or follow me on Twitter. You can also purchase my debut novel, Song of Simon, at any online bookstore or a real one (they both exist). Song of Simon currently has a 4.7/5.0 rating on Amazon, so it’s pretty damn good. If you’re looking for something FREE, you can read my serial (soon to be an expanded series of novels) The Watchmage of Old New York. Though it ended in February, 2014, it remains one of the most popular serials on JukePop OF ALL TIME!

A Window in Your Heart

Losing love is like a window in your heart. Everybody sees you’re blown apart. Everybody sees the wind blow –Paul Simon–Graceland

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HvliMzAFWHM

I don’t have a very good excuse for not updating my blog. I guess I haven’t felt like it, I’ve been focused elsewhere.

I don’t usually get personal here either. I try to stay upbeat and post about geek-centric stuff. But I’m feeling personal today.

About a week and a half ago, I broke up with my girlfriend. Why? I couldn’t tell you. I know the reasons, but they’re far too complex to spill out over a blog, and I don’t want to reveal anything that might infringe on her privacy. The only thing I can really say is that we have many differences, and in the end, they were irreconcilable.

I’m 38 and single. Though Val and I were never married, I consider myself a widower. I’m a writer and tutor, which is like saying “if you date me, you’ll be paying for dinner.” I have some serious medical issues. I’m not exactly a catch.

At my age, it’s very hard to break off a relationship. There’s a very real, terrifying feeling that I will end up alone. The dating pool’s pretty shallow at my age.

But I don’t want to sulk. I don’t know what I want to do, actually. For now, I’m going to focus on writing and editing. While The Watchmage of Old New York is at the editor’s, I’m writing a series of short stories for a new (secret) project. Actually two, maybe three projects (I have no idea what’s going on)

ba8b3-dog-meme-no-idea

I’m not happy with the way the stories are coming out, and I wonder if it’s even worth the effort. Maybe I’m just in a slump.

Maybe the breakup is messing me up inside, and I can’t find my groove. I don’t know. I think I’m just having one of those stretches where I doubt my abilities. I’m hard on myself, and for a reason, but I also have to realize that not everything I write is going to be better than everything before. I wish it was true, but I can’t level up on every quest.

I’m hoping I get my groove back soon. It’s a magical place…like TAHITI.

What? You thought Doge wasn’t gonna show up in this post?

“Watchmage” Novel Update

I was planning for a May release of the novelized version of The Watchmage of Old New York. That isn’t going to happen. My editor is working very diligently on it, as is my cover artist. Neither will be ready for a while.

I’m ok with that. I’d rather put out something late, but of higher quality, than something rushed and faulty.

In the mean time, I’m working on the sequels, and some short stories for an anthology.

The short stories are affecting me. I have professional level stories going back fifteen years, and many have been published in magazines or journals. That’s great, but to me they are examples of how far I’ve come since those first trembling words. They take me back to a place I once was, but will never be again. Once I was full of hope. I thought that by now I’d have a major publishing deal and would be a true success. Instead, I let my madness overwhelm me. Writing has become less a dream and more a necessity. Writing keeps me alive, and it’s the closest I get to “happy.”

I am miserable by nature, and that is not going to change. I’ve found that I can’t even talk about my past anymore without triggering depression and/or anxiety. My anxiety is getting worse. I’m not a success. I’m a writer trying not to die.

Yeah, I know that I’m bitching and moaning. I also know that if you don’t have bipolar syndrome, any comment you make about “sucking it up” is ignorant and presumptuous. Live in these shoes. See how they fit. Take my meds and suffer the side effects. Suffer the twitches and ticks. Suffer the failing endocrine system. Enjoy living on a disability check, not because you don’t work, but because without Medicare, you are dead. I dare you.

Yet I still manage to work part-time. I still manage to scape out a living. People say that if you’re on disability, you’re lazy and sponge off the government and honest tax payers. Be thankful that you don’t have to.

By the way, I receive 800 dollars a month from disability, and 150 dollars from food stamps. Can you live on 950 a month? In one of the richest counties in the world (my rent for a studio apt is 1150? And be trapped here because you are so entrenched in the system? Try it. I dare you.

Or shut up. They both work.

This post took an ugly turn. Here’s a meme to make you happy.

cosmic-cat tripping balls postcard

Turning Over an Old Leaf

First, a reminder: I’m having a Goodreads Giveaway for 2 signed copies of Song of Simon. You can enter here

Now then…
For the past month, my productivity has been way down. What happened is that I finished the first draft of the second Watchmage novel, and I’m in revision mode. That means that I’m not writing, and when I don’t write, I start to come apart. I’ve been watching too much Netflix and playing too many video games. Worse, my anxiety has been through the roof, which I attribute to the lack of writing.

ba8b3-dog-meme-no-idea

I started writing a short story the other day, and I suddenly suck. This is what happens when you don’t write on a schedule. It’s also what happens when you play video games and watch tv (even good tv) instead of read.

I’m trying to develop better coping methods for anxiety, and I think I need to read more. Getting lost in a book is the second best way for me to forget my troubles (writing is the best). Also, if I want to write better, I have to read more. If I fill my head with garbage, garbage comes out. Fill it with literary fruits and vegetables, and I produce something better, like a parfait or Edible Arrangement.

So I’m going to get back to my old school self and dive into books. It saved my sanity as a teen, maybe it’ll save it again.

Like my posts? Follow my website or “Like” my facebook fan page and/or follow me on Twitter. You can also purchase my debut novel, Song of Simon, at any online bookstore or a real one (they both exist). Song of Simon currently has a 4.7/5.0 rating on Amazon, so it’s pretty damn good. If you’re looking for something FREE, you can read my serial (soon to be an expanded series of novels) The Watchmage of Old New York. Though it ended in February 2014, it remains one of the most popular serials on JukePop OF ALL TIME!

FREE GIVEAWAY!!!

You heard me right. I’m diving into the Goodreads swamp and offering TWO, yes two, neither one nor three (five is right out), signed paperback copies of SONG OF SIMON. Since this is a book that sells for $23.50, it’s a pretty good deal. Not to mention that it’s a helluva read.

Here’s the link for it. Enter now. Tell your friends. The more entrants I get, the better.

songofsimon

In addition, I’m holding a giveaway on this very website. Not only am I giving away two copies here, but the winners will also receive copies of the anthology Twisted Love, filled with stories of romance gone horribly wrong. My short story “If You Leave Me,” is in there.

If you are interested in this giveaway, just comment below, or on the official giveaway page.

twisted love

You can enter both the Goodreads and my personal one. I suggest both, as it doubles your chances.

Feel free to reblog this. Again, the more entrants, the more likely that I will do this again.

excited space cat

Like my posts? Follow my website or “Like” my facebook fan page and/or follow me on Twitter. You can also purchase my debut novel, Song of Simon, at any online bookstore or a real one (they both exist). Song of Simon currently has a 4.7/5.0 rating on Amazon, so it’s pretty damn good. If you’re looking for something FREE, you can read my serial (soon to be an expanded series of novels) The Watchmage of Old New York. Though it ended in February, it remains one of the most popular serials on JukePop OF ALL TIME!

New Business Cards?

I was messing around with pics and designs for new business cards that reflect my personality. I’ve narrowed it down to two, and I’d love to hear what the Internet thinks of them.

Option One:

cosmic-cat tripping balls redux

Option Two:

doge in space card redux

I also made a Crying Benoit one, but I think we’ll leave that one out of it.

Like my posts? Follow my website or “Like” my facebook fan page and/or follow me on Twitter. You can also purchase my debut novel, Song of Simon, at any online bookstore or a real one (you’ll probably have to order it). Of course, you can always buy an autographed one from me, just send me a message. Song of Simon currently has a 4.7/5.0 rating on Amazon, so people seem to like it. If you’re looking for something FREE, you can read my serial (soon to be an expanded series of novels) The Watchmage of Old New York. Though it ended in February, it remains one of the most popular serials on JukePop OF ALL TIME!

Because I had nothing else to do

Between building a “power point display” using an easel and printed out images, and panicking about the upcoming workshop, I decided to do this.

cosmic-cat tripping balls postcard

I’d love to turn this into promo cards, but it might be too trippy. What say you, Internet?

Like my posts? Follow my website or “Like” my facebook fan page and/or follow me on Twitter. You can also purchase my debut novel, Song of Simon, at any online bookstore or a real one (you’ll probably have to order it). Of course, you can always buy an autographed one from me, just send me a message. Song of Simon currently has a 4.7/5.0 rating on Amazon, so people seem to like it. If you’re looking for something FREE, you can read my serial (soon to be an expanded series of novels) The Watchmage of Old New York. Though it ended in February, it remains one of the most popular serials on JukePop OF ALL TIME!

Why I’m Choosing to Self Publish

After months of contemplation, I decided to self-publish my historical-fantasy series, The Watchmage of Old New York. This is a huge sea change for me. My first novel, Song of Simon, was published by Damnation Books. It’s always been my dream to be a published novelist, and I’ve been very resistant to self publishing. But a wise man isn’t afraid to rethink his views, and I’ve come around. I’ll explain more below.

Some of you know Watchmage from JukePop Serials, where it was and is one of the most popular serials on the site. This is completely different…well, not completely, but not the same.

What I am planning is to take each story arc from the serial (there are three) and expand each one into it’s own novel, complete with added subplots and new characters. The first story arc in the serial was 90 pages. The novelized version is 275 pages. So it’s not the same old story, rather a retelling and expansion.

I’m almost done with the first draft of the second novel, and I’m aiming for an April or May launch for the first one.

But there’s so much shiny…

Why I Switched to Self-Publishing

I’m not a “do it yourself” kind of guy. The idea of having to create (or hire people to do) every aspect of a novel is intimidating. I only know two things: writing, and teaching writing.

So why am I switching? Creative Control. I realized that there’s nothing a publisher can do (outside of the Big Six) that I can’t do on my own. I can hire an editor, layout artist, cover artist, etc. It’s a big financial investment, but it allows me to be master of my own destiny. Damnation Books has been good to me (don’t believe the negative hype. It’s not a favorable contract, but they aren’t scam artists, and they produce excellent fiction), but I’m not willing to sign a long term contract for a series. Since Watchmage isn’t appropriate for DB anyway, I’d have to find a new publisher.

Traditional publishing and self publishing are both headaches. The traditional route offers free editing, layout, and cover art. Great, but you lose control over those aspects, along with pricing. You also have to wait a long time, as many publishers don’t accept simultaneous submissions. The submission process kills me. I’m tired of waiting.

Self publishing gives you more power, but with great power comes great responsibility. If you mess up, you have no one to blame. And there are plenty of places to mess up. With such a heavy financial investment, there’s a lot on the line. There’s also a lack of gravitas with self publishing, though this is starting to fade.

I will never disagree with Neil Gaiman

I suppose the real reason I resisted is because of my own ego. I started writing professionally about 15 years ago. There was no self publishing beyond Xerox copies stapled together. There was barely an Internet. The dream was to sign on with a publisher, and that’s the dream I stuck with. I achieved that dream, but it wasn’t as sweet as I expected. There’s no marketing from small publishers beyond the first few months, and even the Big Six only market the books that people show interest in. Either way, the author has to do most of the promotion. If I have to do the heavy lifting, I’m gonna keep all the control.

Yeah, I’m terrified. This is a huge endeavor, and it would be so much easier to just lay back and let a publisher do all the work. It’s still very tempting, and if Tor or Del Rey sent me a letter right now that they wanted to look at a draft, I’d send it out right away. But that’s not going to happen.

I’m already a published author, so my fragile ego and desperate need for approval is intact. Times change and dreams change. So can I.

Like my posts? Follow my website or “Like” my facebook fan page and/or follow me on Twitter. You can also purchase my debut novel, Song of Simon, at any online bookstore or a real one (they both exist). Song of Simon currently has a 4.8/5.0 rating on Amazon, so it’s pretty damn good. If you’re looking for something FREE, you can read my serial (soon to be an expanded series of novels) The Watchmage of Old New York. Though it ended in February, it remains one of the most popular serials on JukePop OF ALL TIME!

NaNoWriMo: the Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

It’s National Novel Writing Month, and the devotees are in full swing. Although I don’t do NaNo (for reasons I’ll explain below) I admire those that try. It’s a tremendous endeavor, and an admirable one. It’s not for everyone though. The caveat: there’s a very specific group of people that I think it works for, and for others it’s not appropriate.

I recently had a Facebook round table with my writer friends–some in favor of NaNoWriMo, some against–and I’m going to attempt to show all opinions, complete with quotes from the discussion. I hope that you enjoy our take on National Novel Writing Month.

Rhinos have worse grammar than kittehs

NaNoWriMo:The Good

NaNoWriMo has a fantastic support community around it. It’s really quite beautiful to see established writers helping newbies, and everyone boosting and cheering on each other. The team philosophy is perfect for all writers. Writing is a very lonely life: You sit in a room by yourself with only your imagination (or if you’re like me, cat memes). It’s a life of rejection, poverty, and shame. No wonder so many writers burn out or turn to drink and drugs. Yet with NaNo, you have so much support. I wish that I had that when I first started, maybe I wouldn’t be the jackass I am now.

It’s also a great motivator for those that have never tried it. Some people need to be challenged to get off their butts and do something. I don’t need this (which is why I don’t do it) but there’s nothing wrong with a kick in the pants. Even if you’re not trying to “win,” just releasing that creative energy is something special. Author Catherine Kovach says something similar: I like the idea of just getting out of my own head because I’m traditionally a picky writer. I celebrate creativity wherever it comes from even if it ends with a bunch of words and no “winning”. At least people are trying!

legen…dary

T.E. Ridener–perhaps the most prolific author I know–attributes some of her success to NaNoWriMo: I discovered NaNo in 2009 and they helped me write ‘THE END’ for the first time in my life. I’d never finished a story before finding them, so I’m grateful I stumbled upon their website!

Where I think it’s best is as a jump start for experienced writers to take their productivity to the next level. Thomm Quackenbush, whose NaNoWriMo novel, Artificial Gods, was published by Double Dragon Publishing in 2013, explains how it improved his work: My first novel, We Shadows, took me about six years to write from start to finish because I was overly concerned with getting things “right,” which I realize now meant that I was trying to be overly flowery. I have been reliably informed that the parts I wrote to get the story told are better than those I labored over.

Thomm also helps writers prepare for NaNoWriMo, and has been involved since 2006. Here is a recent interview he did about NaNo.

Author Jennifer Rose says something similar: Whether you do Nano or not, I think it’s valuable for every writer to fast draft at least one novel. Even if you change the goal to 30k in a month, or spread it to two months, I think everyone can have the benefit of getting out of your head.

NaNoWriMo: The Bad

I don’t do NaNoWriMo, and I encourage my students not to do it either. The reason I don’t do it is because I’m already on a set schedule. I write 1000 words a day, every day. It’s not fast, but it’s steady, and if you keep at this pace, you should have an 80k draft in less than 3 months. Mine usually take longer because life gets in the way (and because I go back and edit every 10 chapters or so to keep my plot lines straight), but I can still write a solid first draft in 4-5 months.

The reason I discourage my students not to is because they’re just not ready. Writing a novel is a huge undertaking. Writing a short story is a huge undertaking. There’s a lot of tools, techniques, and theory that goes into writing fiction, and they should focus on that first. NaNo downplays the importance of things like structure (their slogan is “No Plot, No Problem!).

I have a serious problem with that. I’d rather my students start with writing quality short stories of 2-3k and build their skills before moving on to a challenge like NaNoWriMo. It’s the equivalent of going to the gym for the first time and trying to bench press 350 pounds. You’re most likely going to fail, get discouraged and quit.

I like the tie

In order to write 50k words in a month, you need to write 1,667 words a day, every day. That’s a breakneck speed, and one that most often leads to quitting. I would rather a student write a hundred words a day, every day for the rest of their lives then try to tackle 1,667 for a month and never write again. Writing should be a habit, something you do everyday, not just for a 1 month challenge. That’s why I like it for an experienced writer, not for a beginner.

As author and perennial quote machine Justin Osborne says: Writing is like a fart, if you force it, you’re gonna end up with shit.

Author Pauline Ramsey takes a more moderate view: If something I am working on is meant to be written, it WILL be written. But like Justin also said, forcing it will only give me line upon line of crap. In my own saga I am currently working on, I am weaving this intricate spiderweb of plot, action, and dialogue. If I were to try and pound out 50k worth of words in a month’s span, I would end up with a web all right, but not one I would be able to untangle and make coherent.

Multigenre author Y.Correa recently wrote about NaNoWriMo on her own website. You can read the entire article there, where she covers her own personal views why she doesn’t compete in NaNoWriMo. It’s an excellent read.

NaNoWriMo:The Ugly

The ugly side of the NaNoWriMo debate is the predictable, but no less aggravating, flame wars that sprout up every November. People using Twitter are the worst offenders (South Park was right when they parodied it as “Shitter”) and this week alone I’ve witness some horrible trolling over it. The writers mentioned above and below all have different opinions, but one thing we all agreed on is that the fighting has to stop. Pro and Con sides keep going at it like it’s GamerGate. We’re all writers, whether you’re a beginner or a veteran. We all have something to say, the difference is how we say it.

Perhaps Nick Bryan, author of the serial Hobson & Choi, said it best: NaNoWriMo is a great thing if you’re comfortable with what it is and what you want from it. If you’re okay with a very scrappy first draft, or just want to test-drive an idea, or even don’t care that much about the writing and just want to meet other like-minded folk, it can be great. Like almost anything, expecting it to single-handedly make you a writer won’t work, but it’s a useful tool if you’re smart about it.

Like my posts? Follow my website or “Like” my facebook fan page and/or follow me on Twitter. You can also purchase my debut novel, Song of Simon, at any online bookstore or a real one (they both exist). Song of Simon currently has a 4.8/5.0 rating on Amazon, so it’s pretty damn good. If you’re looking for something FREE, you can read my serial (soon to be an expanded series of novels) The Watchmage of Old New York. Though it ended in February, it remains one of the most popular serials on JukePop OF ALL TIME!