Someday We’ll Be Mindflayers

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I’ve been thinking about the recent “revelations” that Facebook, Google, and every site monitors your information. It’s not a surprise, I mean, we gave it to them. I’m not complaining, I’m just musing.

Facebook monitors everything that gets sent on Facebook Messenger. I feel bad for whoever’s job it is to sift through the millions of dick pics.

Google: You know things about me that I don’t even know. You might be my soul mate.

And someday we’ll be Mindflayers.

To the confused, let me explain. Mindflayers  (or Illithids) are a species of monster in D&D. They have squid heads and tentacle mouths, incredible psychic powers, and are connected through the Hive Mind. They’re also one of the evilest and most powerful species in the game. They stun you with their psychic blasts and then suck out your brain with their tentacle mouths. Or they destroy your mind and make you a slave, massaging the Hive Mind for the rest of your life (See R.A. Salvatore’s “Exile” for Drizzt Do’Urden fondling a giant brain). They can even travel through space in special ships. Want to make your players shit themselves? Throw some Illithids at them. Even the Drow give them a wide berth.

mind flayer

We already have the Hive Mind. It’s called the Internet. It gives us access to all the knowledge, information, and communication we need (and some we don’t). We have psychic powers. It’s called Social Media. We can communicate from across the world while sitting on our toilets. And we’re only becoming more connected. The Hive Mind knows all of our shit. It has our dick pics. It knows our desires. It gives us what we need, and we give it our devotion.

Someday we’ll be truly connected. The question is how much of ourselves do we lose in the process?

Then again, the Illithids don’t seem to mind. Pass the brains.

Psst…Hey…Check out my historical fantasy, The Watchmage of Old New York. It’s only 99 cents for another week, and available in paperback too! It’s not like anything you’ve ever read…well…it had words and pages, so a little like things you’ve read. But it’s a time period that few books have tackled, and it’s a damn good story, with a 4.8 star rating on Amazon. Also, there are flying dogs, rabbis with terrible jokes, and dangerous bunnymen. None of those are that important to the plot, but they’re fun.

Watchmage black

Inside Looking Out

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Ever since I was a wee lad, I have felt out of place. I never had more than a handful of friends and still don’t. And I’ve come to terms with not fitting in. I know that I’m weird. I say awkward things and trip over my tongue. I embarrass myself and anyone I’m with. My voice is funny. I have nervous tics. I understand why people don’t want to be around me.

But I feel like I’m staring out the window, watching the world and wanting to be a part of it. There’s so much going on, but always out of my reach. My face is pressed up against that window, watching the other kids play. What was once literal is now a metaphor.

There’s a great big world out there. If only I could get out the door.

doge in space card redux

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I’m trying to figure out why I haven’t been blogging here. Is there some backlog of stuff in my brain that’s making things hard to focus. Or do I have some issue that if I start writing about, all of my insides will come pouring out through my fingers (probably from under the nails) and onto the screen.

I don’t know. I want to write, but something is stopping me. At least I’m getting a lot of editing done. Dilly dilly.

Are we still saying dilly dilly, or is that over?

I don’t want it to be over.

Don’t let it be over.

Parkland Victim Blaming

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There’s a counter-argument right now that instead of walking out to protest gun violence, the victims should have been “nicer to the shooters.”

Repeat: They should have been nice to keep them from murdering them. This is some Grade A enabling bullshit.

The victim is not the perpetrator. In a domestic violence case, do you blame the victim? Do you say he/she deserved it?

I’m all for being kind, but being kind to keep someone from murdering you is a sad commentary on our times. Worse, that people actually believe this instead of blaming the shooter is a vicious swerve.

Boots and Pants…

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boots and pants and boots and pants and boots and pants and boots and pants and boots and pants and boots and pants and boots and pants and boots and pants and boots and pants and boots and pants and boots and pants and…

I can’t get this out of my head. It’s the baseline from hell and it’s eating away at my brain like a very hungry caterpillar.

So here’s 30 minutes of it… suffer!!!

doge in space card redux

The Hanger…The Hanger…

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The hanger is real. I am so hangry right now that I don’t know whether to yell at the wall or eat it. Yes, I will eat the wall. I will eat that fucking wall until I get at all of that sweet insolation inside, like the inside of a tootsie roll pop.

I’m so hangry…so very hangry…

I’ve been trying very hard to drop these last 20 pounds, completing my Frodo-like journey from 390 to 220 over the past 5 years. I’ve been stuck at 240 for almost a year. I was down to 230 until last November when I visited my dad in Vegas. My dad…he really loves buffets. And all he keeps in the house to eat are giant muffins, bagels, and pasta. I put on 15 pounds. Yes, I understand that it’s not his fault, and I should have more willpower. But I don’t have willpower. I’m a see food eater. As long as I keep that stuff out of the house, I don’t eat it.

Soooo hangry.

I’m tempted to eat a pint of halo top right now.

I must be strong…

But so hangry…

Thoughts and prayers

cosmic-cat-tripping-balls-redux

Pssst: Cheap plug below. Buy my book, and it might make the hanger go away. Probably not, but it’s worth a try.

Watchmage black

“America First,” Slogans, and Subtext

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You may have noticed that the president is using the slogan “America First” just as much as “Make America Great Again.” You probably haven’t thought twice about this. I mean, what American doesn’t want to put America first? We have to take care of our own before others, right?

If words were just words, that’d be fine. but we all know (especially if you’re a writer or reader) that there’s more to words than face value. It’s not just what you say, it’s how you say it (like sarcasm), and what images, symbols, or memories it evokes. There is text, context, and subtext.

Marketers agonize over the right slogans and symbols. You only have to watch a few commercials to see this in action. Remember Puppymonkeybaby? Why did they choose that chimeric combination? Why did they have it dancing around? What were they trying to say about their drink?

Or with campaign slogans, what does “Make America Great Again” make you feel? What about Obama’s “Yes We Can”? Or Reagan’s “Morning in America?” They’re all saying similar things, but they have different subtext. It’s the subtext that appeals to and empowers different people, and that’s why I’m bringing up “America First.”

america first kkk

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5 years

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Today marks the 5th year anniversary of my fiance Valerie’s death. I don’t have the spoons to really talk about it. Maybe tomorrow.

I always have nightmares about it, but for the past week, I’ve been having daymares too. I’ve been living and seeing both worlds, the present and past. On Monday I caught myself saying to a friend: “I find her today. Tomorrow she will be pronounced brain dead. Wednesday she will die.”

The past is in the present tense. So am I.