Elimination Chamber: Review and Spoilers

I’m still on a high from last night’s Elimination Chamber. Man, what a show. This was easily the best PPV of the year so far, and it wasn’t even a PPV.

If HHH’s plan is too make the WWE Network necessary for fans, he did it with one incredible event. Because it was only available on the Network, all of the people that usually get PPVs through cable missed out. When they hear from their friends about what they missed…let’s just say that the $9.99 a month is well worth it.

The match of the night was Cena/Owens, most of the matches were high level. Let’s start from the beginning:

Pre-show: Stardust vs Zach Ryder: It bothers me that Stardust (Cody Rhodes) is down to preshow matches, but I enjoyed this one nonetheless. Ryder looks great. He’s been training hard, looks bigger, and is moving well in the ring. Cody is always good, but I think his run as Stardust needs to end. He’s main event potential, but gimmick characters rarely get the big push.

Tag Team Elim Chamber: This one saw all sorts of craziness. We had all of The New Day–who have really grown on me–Calisto hanging from the ceiling, Torito hanging from the ceiling, Titus O’Neil’s head going through the chains, and top notch wrestling all around. Even the Ascension looked good. FEEL THE POWER OF THE NEW DAY!!!

Nikki Bella vs Paige vs Naomi: I expected the title to change hands here, and was disappointed that it didn’t. Naomi has all the heat right now, and she deserves a title run. Some of the moves were sloppy, but there were some great ones as well. Paige proved again that she’s the most talented diva on the roster. If only AJ was still around, the divas division could be fantastic. I can hardly wait until some of the NXT divas come up.

John Cena vs Kevin Owens: There’s nothing I can say that will do this match justice. HHH is all in on Owens, and it showed, because Cena didn’t try to bury him. Owens got a chance to bust out all of his great moves (Go Home Driver, Moonsault, Swanton, Super Scoop Slam Driver, etc) He even teased a Package Powerbomb. Cena got to open up his move set too, and he sold like a real team player. The best part: Owens won clean. Yep, Cena jobbed clean to Kevin Owens. So far, this was the match of the year, and Owens shoot after the match made me stand up and cheer.

Neville vs Bo Dallas: This match was a little too short, and I was expecting more. Still, it was a solid bout between two NXT alum that I expect big things from in the future. Bo is getting better in the ring. His wrestling still doesn’t match up to his mic work, but it’s getting there. I BO-LIEVE in him.

IC Title Elim Chamber: This was not a good match, boring as hell. I was happy to see Mark Henry back (and he looks about 30 pounds lighter), but there were no good spots and Ryback winning was a let down. They also tried this dumb extended spot where Sheamus couldn’t get out of the pod, but he was faking all along. I spent most of this match making dick jokes with my friends and eating ice cream cake.

Rollins vs Ambrose: This was not only a great match, but it had a double swerve for an ending. Rollins and Ambrose have amazing chemistry together. I could watch them wrestle forever and be happy. Still, it was the ending that made this match. The ref gets knocked out (I forget by who, but I think it was Kane). Ambrose hits Dirty Deeds, another ref comes out, and Ambrose wins the belt! Woooo! No one thought that he’d take the belt, and he did. Another unpredictable ending for the EC!

But wait. The first ref wakes up and DQs Rollins for outside interference. Ambrose wins, but by DQ so the championship doesn’t change hands. Bullshit! What a terrible ending! Hashtag CancelWWE, etc.

But wait. Ambrose takes a beatdown, but Roman Reigns comes out and together they clean house. Ambrose takes the belt, and together they leave the arena with it. Rollins is still champ, but Ambrose has the belt. Let’s see how this plays out tonight.

To conclude, it was a great idea for the WWE to put The Elimination Chamber PPV exclusively on the Network. The Network was already worth it, but now it’s necessary. I want more.

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cosmic-cat tripping balls redux


Predictions for SummerSlam 2014

Is it time for SummerSlam already? It feels like just yesterday, Daniel Bryan launched a Busaiku Knee Kick into John Cena’s face for the title. The subsequent screwjob led to one of the best written storylines in the Reality Era: The Yes Movement.

The Yes Movement was brilliant because it encouraged the Internet Wrestling Community to come together and “force” The Authority to give Bryan a shot. As if HHH wasn’t head over boots for Bryan in the first place. The IWC didn’t have any true impact (If HHH didn’t think Bryan would be a great champ, he would’ve buried him), but for a while, it felt like we did.

Can we get a One Man Rock Band movement for Heath Slater? Come on, IWC, make it happen!

With apologies to Al Snow, Barry Horowitz, and The Brooklyn Brawler

Anyway, here are my predictions for tonight’s SummerSlam:

RVD vs Cesaro: Cesaro has to win. They made him job all month. If he loses, he’s buried.

Brie vs Steph: I think this’ll be a better match than people expect. Steph is in very good shape these days, and Brie is an excellent performer, probably the second best on the roster behind AJ.

Bray vs Jericho: This is another do or die moment. Creative already squashed Bray’s momentum. If he loses, consider him buried. He has to not only win, but he has to do something horrid and disturbing to get his heat back.

Swagger vs Rusev: Swagger does not deserve to win.

AJ vs Paige: I expect a very good match from these two, with Paige hitting the Paige Turner (instead of the PTO) to keep the rivalry hot. They could conceivably feud till Survivor Series and I’d be happy.

The Miz vs Ziggler: I think this is the beginning of a good 3 month feud. Ziggler is a great worker, and he deserves the belt. Also, he used to bang Amy Schumer, which is pretty cool.

Orton vs Reigns: I think Orton will win with outside interference. I don’t feel like this feud is ready to end just yet, but a lot of that depends on whether Reigns can work for a full length singles match. I don’t think he’s done a 20 minute match yet.

Ambrose vs Rollins This will be the Match of the Night, and no matter the victor (I can’t decide) we all win. I think it’ll be one of those matches that elevates both wrestlers to the top, one that we’ll be talking about for years. At least I hope so.

Cena vs Lesnar: Cena is going to win by dq, but end up a broken and bloody mess. This is why: They can’t put the belt on Lesnar, because he only wrestles four times a year. Cena can’t beat Lesnar clean, because then Lesnar loses all his “Conquering the Streak” heat. The only logical way for this storyline to end is a huge, bloody beat down. It’ll satisfy the Cena-haters and it’ll keep the belt on Cena for the kids.