I’m about to pimp my favorite card game.

It was a little over a year ago that I discovered Cards Against Humanity. Like a perverted thunderbolt to my heart, it became my favorite game (next to D&D, of course). It’s the most cringe-inducing, douche-chill-chilling, vomit-stifling, questioning-why-you-have-these-friendsing, thinking-of-more-hyphenated-adjectiving, game ever made, and I love it. I am here to profess my love for CAH. Yes, I am a terrible, horrible, no-good, very bad, person.

What is Cards Against Humanity?

Basically, take the popular–but tame–game Apples to Apples, and replace all the cards with things that if you said in public would get you slapped, punched, or kicked in the nuts. I’m going to assume that you all know how to play Apples to Apples, the damn thing is everywhere.

CAH offers question cards like “What’s that sound?” “As part of his contract, Prince won’t perform without ________ in his dressing room,” or “And the Academy Award for ______ goes to _____” (a double card). Some of the answer cards are gems like “a windmill full of corpses,” “not caring about the Thrid World,” “a vagina that leads to another dimension,” “MechaHitler,” “being a muthafucking sorcerer,” and “a big black dick.” They also give you blank cards to add your own terrible entries. Some of my add-ins are “Michael J Fox eating a bowl of hot soup,” “Randy Orton’s glistening abs,” and “Robin Williams’ bloated corpse dangling from a ceiling fan.” If you think you wrote a great card, you can submit it to them and it might end up in an expansion.

There’s even an official theme song

The good (evil) people at Cards Against Humanity put out expansions a couple of times a year, so you never get bored of the same cards. There are also many optional rules that you can play with to mix shit up. It also makes an epic drinking game.

There’s a secret 3rd card: “The biggest, blackest, dick”

What If I Don’t Have Friends?

Say you’re like me and nobody likes you. How do you get a game together? Because CAH is under the creative commons license, there’s room for imitation/ripping them off. There’s an online version of the game called Pretend You’re Xyzzy. It’s ok, but I miss the tabletop interaction of the real game. Still, when it’s hard to put a game night together (and it is for me) it’s a fair substitute.

look at how happy he is!

Terrible People Doing Good

I just found this out today, which triggered the urge to write about CAH. Apparently they give a good portion of their profits to charity, which is fricken awesome.

from Wikipedia:

Despite the satirical nature of Cards Against Humanity, the creators have done charity work in affiliation with the game. In December 2012, Cards Against Humanity released a special holiday expansion pack and allowed users to choose their price. The average amount paid was $3.89 (with the majority of contributors paying $5) which resulted in an overall profit of $70,066.27, which the makers donated to the Wikimedia Foundation.[15] The following year, in December 2013, the creators released a “12 Days of Holiday Bullsh-t” promotion where contributors would pay $12 to receive 12 random presents over a span of 12 days. On the tenth day, Cards Against Humanity donated $1 for every person that contributed to this deal, amassing a grand total of $100,249.94 that was donated to several educational projects via DonorsChoose.[16]

Anyway, I’ve been jonesin’ to play, and I’ve got a brand new bunch of handwritten cards. Let’s play.

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